Alyssa taking the jump!
In my days of youth, I had the good fortune of living a blissful life, empty of worries. I recall winters in Heidelberg, amid sparkling lights of Christmas markets, contrasted against snowy German hills. Summers were spent in Verona, where I would happily run through fields, the grass taller than I was, stopping at ice cold streams to dip my feet. These are joyful memories, which I suppose are typical of a wonderful childhood.
However, children grow, as do responsibilities and worries. Adulthood, as I am beginning to discover, is difficult enough, without the added pressure of having to make life changing choices. Choices I may not have quite enough experience to make yet. Everyone faces hard choices with some trepidation. However, something I have been noticing both within myself and others, is a frequent trend of making a decision solely based on fear. Picking a more practical option because the other has no clear outcome. But what choices would we make if we weren’t afraid?
This question, really mulled over, can offer quite an insight into your own mind. You can effectively find out what your main priorities are. The outcome, of course, is that you would eventually take “the jump.”
Taking the jump surely means different things to different people. To me, it means taking that first initial step toward something unknown. It’s more serious than realizing if you were not afraid, you would eat a lot more chocolate or become involved with extreme sports. Not to say those would not be wonderful, but taking the jump is about coming up to a life changing fork in the road, and choosing the more dangerous route, without worrying about the consequences it may have upon your future. I believe everyone makes at least one, if not many, such jump(s) during their life.
Currently, I can only stand by while the dreams I have had for myself for so long become more and more difficult to attain. This realization, I sigh to my co worker, is part of growing up.
Of course, I am not the only young student who has had high hopes. Others have turned their dreams, some less than realistic, into excellent realities. I find hope in the thought that many people have been in far worse situations than mine, and have acheived grand things.
So what comes next? I struggle with what the next few years will bring. A year around the world, teaching English overseas, financial calamities, academic pursuits, career anxieties, and an upcoming six-month stay in the Middle East, away from my family, and the boyfriend.
The other day I walked with him down the busy street where I live, stopping at a Chinese restaurant. I had not tried this particular one, but the pot stickers taste just the same as they do at my other long time favorite place. There is a woman sitting outside with her dog; two young women stroll up, asking to pet him. The three women laugh easily with each other, and begin talking like old friends. They refresh me. I look at him and wonder what I will miss more: my friendly neighborhood, or enjoying it with him. I can already predict the loneliness I will encounter. I wonder what my six month absence will do to him. To me? To our love?
Today my questions remain. They will not be answered until I take my jump (s). Of course, taking a new risk is frightening to me, but I could not travel down the safe road without a horrible feeling that I had given something up. In the back of my mind, I hope that life will remain the same, despite my plans. After all, if I simply travel around the world, I will just end up where I started. Or perhaps my queries are simply part of being a young adult.
I’m often curious about what it will be like to arrive back “home” after my first time living abroad as an adult. Will I recognize it? Will I know it better than I did before I left?
Maybe we are enchanted by these mysteries, or simply the possibilities the choices have for us. What is most terrifying, of course, are the outcomes. Our lives won’t necessarily be changed because we travel somewhere for half a year. But they will be changed if we find something meaningful, something significant enough to change our perspectives and ideals while we are away. As it is now, I am sure I will encounter this during my time abroad. This is what scares me.
However, what is the point? We could all speculate what could happen to us if we made a certain choice. But maybe the joy in life comes out of chasing something large, perhaps forbidden, letting it take us to the unknown, and then taking that scary jump, and seeing where it may lead.
2 Comments
September 8, 2008 at 7:18 am
Your blog posts are too long. You’d make a good journalist.
September 9, 2008 at 2:46 am
I think the length is ok for this one. It was a meditation of sorts. I do agree that it would be great for you to post more often, and more short ones. Then you can save the long ones for a once a week special commentary.